Dowry - A never ending social malady

By Samiya Anwar

We live in a wretched society, it cannot be denied. Since ages, it has been male-dominated and people are afraid of women empowerment. To suppress women many social practices came up. The child marriages, deprivation from education etc; women are crushed even to this day, despite of making waves around the world in every field.

It is shame that dowry still exist, furnish and garnished by most of the families. It is not a thing of past. It exhibits. It tortures. It abuses. It kills. In Europe, South Asia, Africa and other parts of the world, mostly in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh, daily at least two cases of dowry harassment and domestic violence are registered in every state in every police station. And on an average one Indian woman commits suicide every four hours over a dowry dispute, extremely sad but women are generally suppressed in Indian culture.

Dowry is the most talk about issue of the society. It is a blot on our face, but every day news item. It is a social malady and denied vehemently. With open eyes we see the cases of dowry in our own family and don’t stop. It continues. It develops. Like a continuous fire in the family, relatives, neighbors and friends. People are obsessed with it. Yes truly. It is a typical Hindu custom that bride’s parents give an amount of money, jewelry, plots, etc to groom on the marriage ceremony, unfortunately dowry is even creeping into Muslim marriage. It is rising among Muslims.

Islam, the religion of Muslims does not permit Dowry. It does permit Meher the reverse of the dowry. So it is unusual for a Muslim boy to ask for it. He has to pay certain amount as Mehr to his wife. There is no tradition or custom that bride should get something with her. However gifts are allowed, not dowry. If the parents of the bride and family are giving something as a “gift” on marriage to the daughter, it is accepted. The marriage alliance in Muslim is permitted only when the guy is able to take up the responsibility of the wife as a partner. She is not a “source of income” in the form of a dowry. Muslims should comprehend this.

Does education curb dowry?
No. Not really. There are mostly educated and sound people who demand dowry. People are pade-likhe-jaahil (educated illiterates). If the educated young boys wish to marry with no dowry, they are forced by parents. If they don’t listen, it is disrespect to parents. In Islam, if you disobey or disrespect parents, Hell await you threatens parents to have dowry in marriage of their son. What to do in such cases. It is not just a matter of culture. Or something I (mother) got so much amount of money in marriage and my son should also get so and so amount. It is something “a matter of status”, it is vogue sadly.

We are leaving in a society where a bride should get minimum of 5 tolas of gold, 1-2lakh rupees with whole of furniture to marry a Muslim boy. Women (mother-in-laws) are highly seen in gossiping and back-biting as whose daughter-in-law get “how much” in dowry. If somebody’s bahu gets less than you, it is a matter of shame to them or says you have got poor daughter-in-law for your laadla. It is considered insulting to have no dowry or fewer dowries.

Here goes a saying, educate your daughter to stop dowry, but how? If the young girls say “no dowry, no marriage” probably they end up with no marriage for half-of their life. Like Saba, 30 year old is a teacher in a private school who decided not to marry someone who asks dowry remained unmarried while all girls of her age crossed the stair of matrimony. No doubt, she is educated, strong and capable of earning a good livelihood on own, her parents oppose her. Will she be able to stand on her decision? If yes how long?

Her parents worry of her growing age as she is dark weighs around 70 kgs and it will be impossible for her to get good match at this time. It is said, the dowries are a blessing for girls who’re born not-so-pretty. If you are ready with the bulk some amount for your daughter, the marriage is quite easier thinks many parents.

Will “Love Marriages” bring fall in dowry acts?
Hopefully, many youngsters today feel that the only solution to stop dowry is through love marriage. If we marry someone we love, doesn’t demand dowry they say. The half of the run-away boys and girls from homes are against the old tradition parents. That is why we see, a very handsome boy marrying an ugly girl and pretty girls going for the very opposite match.

Rehana, 23 was fed up of her parents filling the demands of in-laws of her two elder sisters decided to marry someone who will not take dowry. She found Saahil, 25 pretty good with no such expectations and today they are together. According to her, “Dowry is like begging and those who beg once, will do that forever, it does not stop”. And in love marriage the term dowry doesn’t exist, very true.

But last year, a Muslim girl called Irrum Bibi who was in affair with a boy for 4years found the boy greedy for dowry and rejected him on marriage ceremony, the issue has been hyped in media for more than a month. So it is hard to say who is greedy now or who will become later. Because one of my knower had “love marriage” after an affair of 3years, they opposed parents and had marriage in court. After a year, the parents agreed and they were called back home. But the boys’ parents’ started torturing the girl for not bringing any money for their only son. This is what taking place in love marriages. Either they have to run out of homes or else they are tortured and harassed.

What about Fake dowry cases?
Surprisingly, many men and women are taking advantage of dowry system. It is ridiculous, absurd. I mean some suffer, and some laugh. Who to trust and how to stop the evil, when people are misusing the Women Protection Acts, Delhi, Bangalore and Jaipur have more of fake cases filed by both men and women.

Several cases filed under the dowry harassment act in the city (Hyderabad) recently, have been proved deceptive by the courts in Andhra Pradesh. Out of the 78 dowry cases received last year, 5-10 per cent has been found false during investigations. And more of these false dowry cases women are par from men. May be that is why men fear of women’s freedom and empowerment. So they (women) are repressed and male supremacy rules. Women are no milk-washed angels. They are at fault too.

No way to curb dowry, except religion
Dowry is a social evil but continues to be a common practice. There is no way out to limit this system. Education failed, awareness programmes didn’t work. Government, law and order could do less to delete it. Anti-dowry laws in India were enacted in 1961 but the laws themselves have done nothing to halt dowry transactions. All the efforts are merely a lip service. It has nothing to do with curb. People are least bothered. What can be done if the dowry is given willingly and accepted happily? The business of dowry is done by parents. It is forced to the young men and women to give and take dowry. It is high time to shrug of the greedy anti-Islamic traditions. If parents force you to dowry, teach them the hadiths and Quran. It is no wrong to show the right path to those who is walking on un-Islamic road, also your parents. It is not disrespect; it is evil act of devil we need to understand. Moreover endure taqwa (fear of Allah).

Remember demanding Dowry from bride or her guardian is Anti-Islamic. Dowry has no sanction in Muslim religion. Dowry is a Hindu tradition that Muslims in India are blindly following. True Muslims will not give/ demand dowry. It is wrong, what is observed in society. Further more we, the Muslims need to spread Islam and invite the people to follow the religion in correct manner, only then the society can be transformed into a dowry free marriage system by forbidding what is wrong otherwise dowry is such a malady which has no cure and no way to curb..