Saturday, March 28, 2009

US Consulate eager to hire Hyderabadi 'Brains'

By Shruti Rao

Forty per cent of the students going to the US for higher studies are from Andhra Pradesh.

Therefore, this part of the country is one of the most significant contrbutors of knowledge. This was the opinion expressed by Cornelis Keur, Consul General, Consulate of United States of America.

Keur was speaking at a meet on ‘Indo-US Relations Today,’ on Wednesday, at Sedmal Hall.

The programme began with the mandatory welcome note, which emphasised the school’s repute in proffering knowledge for the last 84 years. The school offers courses such as — MBA, MCA, M.Com and M.Sc and is catering to 4,000 students at present.

In his talk, he spoke about the strengthening of ties between the two countries as they unitedly work towards arriving at concrete solutions for global problems.

His speech brought to light the US Consulate’s desire to double the present 200 applications for Visas to a decent 400. He said, “There are about 1 lakh students in America and about 40 per cent of these students come from Andhra Pradesh itself. So this part of the country is one of the most significant contributors of knowledge.” He admitted that AP is one of the most dynamic States in India which boasts of expertise in agriculture, pharmaceuticals, IT, aviation and space research, metallurgical industry, to name a few. Talking about the education scenario in the State, he mentioned that Hyderabad has some of the finest world-class colleges and universities that open up myriad options for aspiring students.

He observed, “I’m very happy to see people so concerned about the education of their children.” Speaking of ‘brain-drain,’ the coinage for mass immigration to the US, he observed, “It was brainborrowing and hence, it was always a win-win situation.” He commented, “There’s been a dramatic shift in US politics after President Barack Obama came in. Earlier administration used to work on a more unilateral manner. Now the problems of all countries are being seen as global problems, which is a good thing.” Member of the Consulate, Juliet Wurr accompanied Keur for the talk. “I feel lucky indeed to be here in India.

And I think a woman has to be twice as good to get ahead of men,” Juliet began. She further said, “My job is very simple. It is to make sure that we strengthen the ties between the Indian people and the American people. It really doesn’t matter what a bunch of dumb politicians say. I’m here to make you love me back.” The lecture was organised by Agarwal Siksha Samiti and was presided over by the president of the Samiti, Muralidhar Gupta.

'Son'rise in Andhra Politics

By M H Ahssan

The sons are rising in Andhra Pradesh's politics. The scions of almost all prominent party leaders are contesting to the Lok Sabha or the assembly -- or at least playing a key role.

Telangana Rashtra Samiti (TRS) president K. Chandrasekhara Rao's son K. Taraka Rama Rao will contest the assembly polls from Sircilla constituency in Karimnagar district. He follows the son of another prominent politician who will be making his debut in electoral politics.

The ruling Congress has fielded Chief Minister Y.S. Rajasekhara Reddy's industrialist son Y.S. Jaganmohan Reddy as the candidate for the Kadapa Lok Sabha seat.

Jaganmohan Reddy runs several industries and also Telugu newspaper Sakshi and television channel Sakshi. The young leader is popular in his native Kadapa district. Rajasekhara Reddy himself is seeking re-election from the Pulivendula assembly segment of Kadapa Lok Sabha seat.

KCR, as the TRS chief is popularly known, is likely to contest for Lok Sabha from Mahabubnagar. He was elected from Karimnagar in the 2004 elections and retained the seat in two by-elections in 2006 and 2008.

KCR had been grooming his son to take up a major role in the party ever since the latter returned in 2007 from the US after higher studies. He appointed Rama Rao as the TRS general secretary in November last year.

The TRS president preferred his son over daughter Kavita, who had become popular with the campaign to protect Telangana culture.

TRS sources say KCR wanted to avoid criticism by fielding both his children as he already has two close relatives in the party. His nephew, T. Harish Rao, is a state legislator and he is seeking re-election.

Vinod Kumar, another close relative of KCR, is seeking re-election to the Lok Sabha.

TRS sources said KCR initially toyed with the idea of fielding his son from Karimnagar. But fearing criticism from the party's ranks over the presence of the father-son duo in parliament, he decided to nominate him as an assembly candidate.

Telugu Desam Party (TDP) president N. Chandrababu Naidu's son Lokesh Naidu has become active in party affairs. Though he is not making a debut in next month's elections, the former chief minister is keen to entrust him with a bigger role in the party.

The TDP chief revealed that his son played a key role in the party, helping out with the election manifesto, the cash transfer scheme that envisages payment of Rs.1,000 to Rs.2,000 per month to every poor family.

Lokesh, who also studied in the US, analysed the scheme which is under implementation in some Latin American countries and suggested to his father to promise the same to attract voters.

Lokesh is also the son-in-law of his maternal uncle, N. Balakrishna, a popular Telugu actor and son of TDP founder and legendary actor N.T. Rama Rao.

Balakrishna is currently campaigning for the TDP along with other members of the NTR clan.

BUSINESS OF BOLLYWOOD

By M H Ahssan

If you are not one of those heading to South Africa to watch IPL matches, then you could go to the closest multiplex to cheer your team. For this, the stakeholders need to strike a deal beneficial to all.

Two years ago, a multiplex in Mumbai’s hip suburb Versova decided to screen the T20 World Cup final between India and Pakistan. The logistics were all worked out in just 48 hours. This involved hiring a projector and getting the support of the local cable network.

Devang Sampat, senior vice-president, Cinemax, decided to devote four of his six screens — two of these were the high-end Red Lounge ones. The total capacity was 1,000 seats. It was a complete sellout and, in the process, two corporate bookings from Citibank and Provogue were clinched. At a handy Rs 500 a seat, he added a cool Rs 5 lakh to his kitty after three hours. Of course the price came with the incentive of unlimited beer. “This was a one-off thing and was after all an India-Pakistan final. The response was bound to be good,” says Sampat candidly.

With the IPL2 now shifting to South Africa, the theatres offer the next best option to a live experience. There is also a tangible business opportunity for distributors and theatres — all this comes with great viewing experience for the cricket fans. The IPL had recognised this and put in a tender for the same.

The multiplex players realise the potential that can be tapped. Now, with circumstances putting the whole game into a spin, the last date for submitting the tender was extended from March 16 by two weeks. The initial reaction from industry, both the advertising and film industries, for these rights was positive with names like UTV, Eros, UFO, PVR, Group M and WSG all heard to be in the fray.

Very soon, most lost interest. One of the main reasons could be the sum that had to be paid as minimum guarantee to IPL worked out to be uneconomical with talks of rights being given only for a year making it even more unviable. Figures being quoted for the same ranged between Rs 25-50 crore.

PLEX MUSCLE
India’s multiplexes today have 850 screens across five to six big players. It is an industry, which is embroiled in a revenue sharing battle with the producers’ fraternity. In all likelihood, this battle looks like it is heading towards the strike call which the producers had threatened starting April 3 – simply put, no new film can be released.

There is a lot at stake. In the pipeline are Akshay Kumar starrer 8 x10 Tasveer to Mukesh Bhatt’s Jashn and Yash Raj’s New York, Indian Films Shorkut lined up for release over the next 4-6 weeks. In fact if the strike does take place, around Rs 500 crore is what will be at stake. This translated is the cost for the films that are being held up apart from an opportunity lost for the exhibitors.

In the eventuality of this scenario, the IPL comes as a life-saver. Amitabh Vardhan, CEO of PVR which has around 108 screens, thinks it’s too early to rule out a truce. But he maintains that the IPL is a great business opportunity. “We definitely want to show the matches but we are not sure at what cost or how many screens we can dedicate or how much demand IPL2 will generate. With the matches having a three-hour duration, the tickets should be priced as close to the movie ticket prices as possible. Every player is going to look at optimisation,” says Vardhan who adds that there every location will offer its own pricing as will every match. He adds that they are fully prepared with 2K digital in many screens while the rest can be fitted with projectors.

The demand, according to the exhibition industry, will be to a point where 400 of the 850 screens can be used. This is when the matches garner a 50% occupancy or 250 seats per screen, viability should be fine.

Sampat seems to have worked it all out. Of his 75 screens he says 25 is the maximum he would devote to the IPL and over the 45 days, he would expect an average of 30-35% occupancy. “We are very excited about it as the game has moved out of India and we offer a fabulous experience as close to the stadium as possible. However we do need at least 15 days for marketing and getting corporate bookings while the projectors can be fitted in two days.

For Sanjay Gaikwad, founder and managing director, UFO Moviez that has 1,400 screens across 600 cities and towns, there is a huge opportunity. “We are fully equipped with the best digital projectors and can give the best experience due to our technology. The event can expect to generate an average ticket price of anywhere between Rs 60-80 for sure,” said Gaikwad.

Clearly, there is money to be made here for everyone and with stadium revenue lost, every stream of revenue needs to be optimised. While Lalit Modi and the Sundar Raman sit in South Africa working out the logistics of the IPL scheduled to begin in less than three weeks, the cinema halls are waiting to hear the cries of the cricket fans. With inputs from Leena Mulchandani

The race over?
Media buying agency Group M has bagged the rights to show IPL-2 in cinemas, said three film and sports industry veterans, requesting anonymity.

While Group M faced tough competition initially from a field that included some large players from the advertising and film industries such as UTV, Eros, UFO, PVR and WSG, most of these firms opted out of the race due to unknown reasons. The agency is said to have offered a minimum guarantee in the range of Rs 15-18 crore.
The final revenue sharing deals with the exhibitors will be worked out by Group M.

IPL chief executive Sunder Raman was not available for comment. IPL website says the submission date for the tender, which was to have been announced on March 16, was postponed by two weeks. Vikram Sakhuja, GroupM's South Asia CEO, also refused to confirm the news, saying, “The IPL theatrical rights present an interesting opportunity.”

A stronger Asia-Pacific, post-crises?

By M H Ahssan

The region should play a more influential role in the multilateral processes that are reforming the global architecture of finance, trade rules as well as climate change.

The launching of ESCAP’s Economic and Social Survey of Asia and the Pacific 2009 is a direct response to the financial crises. What distinguishes it from other publications is its acknowledgement of food-fuel security and climate change as converging issues with potentially significant longer-term impacts. These are referred to collectively as the triple crises. Not only does the survey provide strategic analysis of financial vulnerabilities and sources of resilience, it also states that current stimulus packages represent an unprecedented opportunity to jump-start a more inclusive, sustainable development paradigm.

The repeated and brutal downward revisions of economic forecasts have confounded all but a few of the most seasoned analysts. The survey notes that banking sector reforms and prudent macro-economic policies implemented after 1997 have left developing countries in the region better prepared to deal with the fall-out of the present financial crises. This resilience, however, started to erode when trade exports from the region declined. The Asia-Pacific is more economically integrated with the rest of the world than with itself. Intra-regional trade among developing countries accounts for only 37% of exports in our region compared to Nafta at 51% and the EU at 68%. As a result, the survey calls for more intra-regional and investment linkages so that domestic markets are strengthened to provide a secondary buffer to global market fluctuations.

During the first part of 2008, crude oil prices soared to record levels and food commodity prices increased to the highest levels in over 20 years. The resulting speculation and hoarding drove the price of rice, the region’s main staple, up by a staggering 150% in only four months. This had a disproportionate impact on the poor. This suggests a real need for the region to diversify its energy portfolio to buffer against short-term price fluctuations. Therefore, it is critical to foster mechanisms for the transfer of technical expertise in efficient and renewable energy from developed to developing countries. Doing so creates a win-win situation by addressing the three common threats of volatile energy prices, food security and climate change.

Despite the impressive economic growth of the last decade, inequalities between rich and poor have actually worsened in the Asia-Pacific, leaving millions more vulnerable to the impact of various crises. With the growing financial crisis, 24 million people in Asia and the Pacific are in danger of losing their jobs, with women and youth disproportionately affected. A worsening of the state of poverty and hunger in the region is now impossible to avoid and yet basic social protection programme coverage is low in the Asia-Pacific. It is estimated that only 30% of the elderly receive pensions and 20% of the population has access to health-care assistance.

These statistics suggest that there is a real need to strengthen social policies in order to create more resilient societies better able to face economic volatility. The provision of minimum wages, unemployment insurance and expansion of other social protection schemes will help bolster domestic demand during times of uncertainty. These social support systems need to be implemented as part of a development framework that helps create longer-term macroeconomic stability for the region.

The global crisis of climate change threatens to have even more fundamental, long-term consequences. Natural disasters, often associated with climate change stresses, struck with particular intensity in 2008. The number of deaths in the region reached 232,500 persons, accounting for a staggering 97.5% of such fatalities worldwide. One of the deadliest storms ever, Cyclone Nargis, left a heartwrenching trail of death and destruction in Myanmar: 84,500 people dead and 53,000 missing. Australia’s “big dry,” the worst drought in more than 100 years, entered its seventh year with fires causing devastation in the country’s south-east. UN studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between poverty and vulnerability to disasters. As the numbers of poor increase in our region, so too will the number of people at risk.

Although all attention is now focused on fighting the economic crisis, addressing food and fuel security issues in combination with climate change is not necessarily a contradiction in policy objectives. The Global Green New Deal promoted by UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon is based on the premise that investing in the green economy can generate millions of jobs while addressing the challenges associated with reducing carbon dependency, protecting ecosystems and preserving water resources. There is untapped potential for developing countries in the region to co-operate in developing affordable climate-friendly technologies the promote energy efficiency and diversify energy sources to include renewables.

Putting in place the appropriate financial incentives and regulatory frameworks regionally will help to secure energy supplies and speed up the transition to low-carbon energy systems. Further development and implementation of the ESCAP framework on renewable and sustainable energy should be given priority. The region should also play a more influential role in the multilateral processes that are reforming the global architecture of finance, trade rules as well as climate change.

The converging crises can be used to jump-start a regional reorientation towards a more inclusive and sustainable development path. Some countries in the Asia-Pacific are in a stronger position to help not only themselves but also others to smooth the impact of the crises and strengthen regional solidarity. ESCAP’s survey, launched globally on March 26, emphasises the importance of regional co-operation to develop long-term solutions.

Banks ramp up ad spends to strengthen pitch in slowdown

By Kajol Singh

Ad Spends Soar 184% In ’08, SBI Tops List With Rs 293-Cr Allocation

Advertising spends in the banking services and products categories have increased by 184.15% in 2008 to Rs 2,492.59 crore against Rs 1,499.92 crore in 2007, data from Adex Nielsen showed. Public sector banks, such as SBI, Union Bank of India (UBI), Bank of Baroda, Axis Bank and IDBI Bank, have seen an upsurge in their ad spends up to 75%. SBI has been the highest spender among banks with Rs 292.92 crore ad spend in 2008.

“Both PSU banks and private sector banks with strong Indian lineage have, by and large, remained unscathed during the slowdown. As consumers choose conservative safety over bells and whistles, PSU banks will spend much higher in the last quarter of this fiscal,” said Satbir Singh, chief creative officer, Euro RSCG, which does the advertising for Max New York Life.

UBI’s new ‘Good People To Bank With’ campaign totalled Rs 127.45 crore in 2008 as compared with Rs 13.13 crore in 2007. IDBI spent Rs 52.68 crore as against Rs 15.14 crore in 2007. The October-December 2008 quarter has seen an increase of 52.03% in ad spends by over 300 banks and financial institutions in India with a spent of Rs 714.34 crore as against Rs 469.86 crore in the same period last year.

Among the private banks, ICICI Bank has been the largest spender with a total spend of Rs 129.02 crore in 2008, of which Rs 54.22 crore was spent during the October-December period, where brand ambassador Shahrukh Khan was brought into resurrect the bank’s image, as doubts were raised about its solvency. HDFC Bank spent Rs 18.83 crore in 2008 as against Rs 80 lakh in 2007.

Royal Bank of Scotland’s (RBS) ad spends have raised from zero to Rs 17.47 crore in 2008. It has Sachin Tendulkar as its brand ambassador last year and launched its campaign at a time when people were losing confidence in it. Other foreign banks, such as American Express Bank, has seen a cut in its ad spends by 12.64% to Rs 18.44 crore in 2008 from Rs 21.11 crore in 2007. Similarly, USbased banking major Citibank, which plans to continue with its recruitment process in India despite the global slowdown, has also reduced its ad spends by 3.34% to 16.48 crore in 2008 from Rs 17.05 crore in 2007. Insurance companies have made a total ad spend of Rs 591.91 crore as compared with Rs 335.98 crore in 2007, an increase of 75.95%.

“More and more people are waking up to insurance as a guaranteed investment as mutual funds and other products have failed. Hence, insurance companies will continue to spend significantly this quarter too,” said Singh.

LIC has been the highest spender in the insurance sector with Rs 152.68 crore in 2008, up by 64.06% from last year. Max New York Life, which was official sponsor of IPL last year, was the second with Rs 66.13 crore in 2008 as against Rs 18.74 crore in 2007. Followed by ICICI Prudential with Rs 57. 25 crore and HDFC Standard Life Insurance with Rs 55.74 crore ad spend.

“We relaunched our brand with the new tagline “Karo Zyaada ka Iraada” in August last year, as we wanted to keep the momentum on. But this year, we will maintain our ad spends as business has to grow with the same budget. We will reposition our a brand during the IPL matches this year, in which we will make a reasonable presence to leverage our business,” said Anisha Motwani, senior VP, marketing, Max New York Life.

The total amount spent on print advertisements have been the highest with Rs 1,635.87 crore in 2008 as against Rs 1,499.92 crore in 2007, an increase by 9%. The spend on television has taken second place with Rs 773.91 crore in 2008, up by 24.49%, on radio it was Rs 82.81 crore.

INDIA POLL ALLIANCES ARE IN DOLDRUMS

By M H Ahssan

While the partners privately admit that the support they enjoy is not very deep at this point, in public, they throw arguments about being able to convince the electorate about their capacity to form the government

With the Lok Sabha elections expected to go down the wire, every party or combination thinks power is within grasp. Efforts are, therefore, on now to ensure power shift in their respective favour. While the main combines privately admit that the support they enjoy is not very deep at this point, in public, they throw emphatic arguments about being able to convince the electorate about their capacity to form the government.

Congress is pinning its hopes on its now-familiar “secular” logic to get an extended lease on Raisina Hill. The implosion in the UPA is being cited by BJP to claim that the game is slipping out of the UPA’s hands and in favour of the NDA. Third front advocates are confident that the national parties will not be able to recapture their vitality and see the political assertion of the regional parties working in favour of an alternative government. All three may have worked in the past, but in a badly fractured polity, there are clear signs of parties making cold calculations that will tear through the ideological smokescreen and synthetic political positions.

PMK that altered the odds on Thursday by switching camps is candid in admitting the real game will begin after the elections. Its leader S Ramadoss, who ruled out joining hands with the third front at this juncture, on Friday said it’s a decision that his party will be required to make after the verdict is out. He did not attempt to give any ideological gloss to his logic. It was a simple and plain message that PMK will remain a political freelancer—a fact that many parties are loathe to admit.

PMK, it may be recalled, is not known to burning bridges with national players. Even when it set in motion the process of a minor political destablisation at the Centre on the eve of the 2004 polls by quitting the NDA, the Vanniyar-dominated outfit had not described it as a negative vote for the then ruling alliance. “We formed the NDA with the highest commitment to the cause of the people of India. And PMK is still committed to the philosophy.

But the circumstances in Tamil Nadu have made us part company with the NDA. However, we will always cherish the friendship forged with the prime minister for all the years to come. We will always support your government at the time of political crisis, even if we sit in the Opposition,” Mr Ramadoss had said in a letter to the then
prime minister, Mr AB Vajpayee.

PMK did a repeat performance in Friday when Ramadoss reiterated that he has no quarrel with Congress. “We have not yet decided on whether to join third front or not, as the question arises only after election results are declared. As of now, our only decision regarding post-poll alliances is that we will take a step jointly with our alliance leader AIADMK and will support her decisions,” Mr Ramadoss said.

SP, RJD and LJP that formed a “front within the front” on Thursday, too, have been sending out clear hints that Congress cannot take their support for granted after the elections. Although they do not have the elbowroom to display a PMK-type flexibility, the three cow belt parties’ equations with Congress will certainly depend on the latter’s numerical strength in the Lok Sabha.

At the moment, the Congress has a crippling handicap—it is not just ally-less in many important states, even the existing partners are not willing to be the Congress’ supplicants. On its part, the Congress is hoping that Sonia Gandhi’s socialist theology—throwing money at problems—and the fantasy panacea offered by the party’s manifesto will help it overcome the crisis. Manifestos have rarely helped parties win elections.

In a fractured polity, it is the ability to network with friends and even contenders that take a party to the victory post. But Congress managers, mostly failed politicians and Rajya Sabha members, are not willing to accept the changed reality—only a conglomeration of political parties can rule Delhi. But if the current mood in the Congress is anything to go by, Congress leaders are not willing to come down their collective high horses and face the truth.

Opinion: THE ABC OF INDIAN POLITICS

By M H Ahssan

I don’t understand the ABC of Indian politics. Or for that matter the AGP, or RJD, or NCP, or PKP, or JD(S). Scientists say life arose on earth from a primordial soup. Political life in India seems to have arisen from an alphabet soup. What am i — or you, or even the CEC, come to that — to make of a statement like: ‘Apart from JD(S), Third Front consists of CPM, CPI, RSP, FB, TDP, AIADMK, TRS, BSP, HJC, and BJD’? Or ‘An alliance finally made headway on Sunday when PMK president met AIADMK boss’? Or ‘Four Left parties and TDP, TRS, AIADMK, JD(S) and BJD decided to come up with a vision document’?

Well, bully for them. And i wish they’d share their vision — all properly documented, and giftwrapped, thank you — with me. Because what with all these abbreviations — UPA, NDA, BJP, CPI(ML), DMK, MDMK, JMM, and what have U — i can’t see the trees for the wood, or the parties for the alphabet.

So far as i can make out — which admittedly, isn’t very far, or IVF, to keep in the alphabetic abbreviation mode of things — the only Indian political party which hasn’t been reduced to initials-only size is the Congress. And even this isn’t entirely true, because quite often the Congress is referred to as the INC (Indian National Congress), as distinct from the NCP (which stands for Nationalist Congress Party, or Nationalist Congress Pawar, take your pick). The Congress is also often called the GOP (which stands for Grand Old Party, or Gandhis’ Own Party, you get to take your pick again, you lucky thing).

All this abbreviated alphabetisation of politics is of course environmentally very sound. If, for example, instead of CPI(ML) you had to go the full monty as it were as in Communist Party of India (Marxist-Leninist) Liberation, or instead of AIADMK you had to write All India Anna Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam, or instead of JSS you had to — tongue sticking out of the corner of your mouth in concentration — put down Janathipathiya Samrakshana Samithy, and watch how you spell Samrakswhosis, you’d have finished up all the space in this column just naming the parties involved, and in order to find out what they did to each, or with each other, readers would have to turn to the Classified Ads Section on Page 23 where further details might be found tucked away between solicitations like: ‘Russian Escort Hi-Profile Decent Educated Indian, Turkey, Punjabi Model Masseurs. M/F 24 Hrs. H/H Serv. All C.C. Accepted’.

Can you imagine how many Scandinavian pine forests would have to be mowed down to provide the extra newsprint for political reportage if our parties hadn’t done the decent thing and alphabetically abbreviated themselves? Our eco-warriors would have thrown a fit. Not to mention our Decent Educated M/F Masseurs, All C.C. Accepted.

No, political abbreviation is decidedly a good thing. The only problem is that it makes it a bit difficult for non-bearded, noncelebrity, non-televised, non-psephologists like me to figure out exactly who’s doing what to whom, and how: Will JKNPP split the PDP vote to JKNC’s advantage?

Somewhere between all those Ps, and Js, and Ks, and Ns, i’ve lost it. Never mind what it does or doesn’t do to the PDP vote. Somewhere along the line, the JCPKN (or is it the NKJPD?) has split whatever little political understanding i possess. I’d try colour-coding all those MZPCs, and RLDs, and KEC(M)s, and SAD(M)s, and UKKDs, and UGDPs. But there are some 730 registered parties, all alpht abrtd (alphabetically abbreviated) as of the CEC’s last count in 2005. And the last time i looked there weren’t 730 different, and distinct and distinguishing shades of colour in vibgyor (violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange, red: this alpht abrtn is catching).

So i’m resigned to not understanding the ABC of politics. Which is fine because politics probably doesn’t want to understand me either. Alpht abrtd as i am in the north Indian political lexicon as a right ignorant BCMC. Whatever that stands for.

Opinion: THE ABC OF INDIAN POLITICS

By M H Ahssan

I don’t understand the ABC of Indian politics. Or for that matter the AGP, or RJD, or NCP, or PKP, or JD(S). Scientists say life arose on earth from a primordial soup. Political life in India seems to have arisen from an alphabet soup. What am i — or you, or even the CEC, come to that — to make of a statement like: ‘Apart from JD(S), Third Front consists of CPM, CPI, RSP, FB, TDP, AIADMK, TRS, BSP, HJC, and BJD’? Or ‘An alliance finally made headway on Sunday when PMK president met AIADMK boss’? Or ‘Four Left parties and TDP, TRS, AIADMK, JD(S) and BJD decided to come up with a vision document’?

Well, bully for them. And i wish they’d share their vision — all properly documented, and giftwrapped, thank you — with me. Because what with all these abbreviations — UPA, NDA, BJP, CPI(ML), DMK, MDMK, JMM, and what have U — i can’t see the trees for the wood, or the parties for the alphabet.

So far as i can make out — which admittedly, isn’t very far, or IVF, to keep in the alphabetic abbreviation mode of things — the only Indian political party which hasn’t been reduced to initials-only size is the Congress. And even this isn’t entirely true, because quite often the Congress is referred to as the INC (Indian National Congress), as distinct from the NCP (which stands for Nationalist Congress Party, or Nationalist Congress Pawar, take your pick). The Congress is also often called the GOP (which stands for Grand Old Party, or Gandhis’ Own Party, you get to take your pick again, you lucky thing).

All this abbreviated alphabetisation of politics is of course environmentally very sound. If, for example, instead of CPI(ML) you had to go the full monty as it were as in Communist Party of India (Marxist-Leninist) Liberation, or instead of AIADMK you had to write All India Anna Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam, or instead of JSS you had to — tongue sticking out of the corner of your mouth in concentration — put down Janathipathiya Samrakshana Samithy, and watch how you spell Samrakswhosis, you’d have finished up all the space in this column just naming the parties involved, and in order to find out what they did to each, or with each other, readers would have to turn to the Classified Ads Section on Page 23 where further details might be found tucked away between solicitations like: ‘Russian Escort Hi-Profile Decent Educated Indian, Turkey, Punjabi Model Masseurs. M/F 24 Hrs. H/H Serv. All C.C. Accepted’.

Can you imagine how many Scandinavian pine forests would have to be mowed down to provide the extra newsprint for political reportage if our parties hadn’t done the decent thing and alphabetically abbreviated themselves? Our eco-warriors would have thrown a fit. Not to mention our Decent Educated M/F Masseurs, All C.C. Accepted.

No, political abbreviation is decidedly a good thing. The only problem is that it makes it a bit difficult for non-bearded, noncelebrity, non-televised, non-psephologists like me to figure out exactly who’s doing what to whom, and how: Will JKNPP split the PDP vote to JKNC’s advantage?

Somewhere between all those Ps, and Js, and Ks, and Ns, i’ve lost it. Never mind what it does or doesn’t do to the PDP vote. Somewhere along the line, the JCPKN (or is it the NKJPD?) has split whatever little political understanding i possess. I’d try colour-coding all those MZPCs, and RLDs, and KEC(M)s, and SAD(M)s, and UKKDs, and UGDPs. But there are some 730 registered parties, all alpht abrtd (alphabetically abbreviated) as of the CEC’s last count in 2005. And the last time i looked there weren’t 730 different, and distinct and distinguishing shades of colour in vibgyor (violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange, red: this alpht abrtn is catching).

So i’m resigned to not understanding the ABC of politics. Which is fine because politics probably doesn’t want to understand me either. Alpht abrtd as i am in the north Indian political lexicon as a right ignorant BCMC. Whatever that stands for.