Python Swallowed 'Terrorist' While Planting A Bomb In UP

By Paagal Patrkaar / Delhi

A scary incident took place in this small city of Uttar Pradesh today when an alleged terrorist was swallowed by a huge python while he (the terrorist) was believed to be planting a bomb. The python was taken to a nearby Government Hospital where both of them (the terrorist and the python) were declared brought dead. Police and government authorities were clueless about the python, but claimed that the terrorist came from Pakistan.
“The post-mortem of the python and the terrorist has confirmed that the terrorist came from Pakistan. Doctors have recovered Pakistani documents like Passport and ISI labeled weapons from inside the python’s stomach, which definitely couldn’t have belonged to the python,” Uttar Pradesh Police Chief told this writer, “We believe that a major terrorist strike was being planned but it has been foiled now. Citizens don’t need to worry.”

According to the police, the Pakistani terrorist didn’t expect to be swallowed by the python because he had also not received any training in Pakistan to deal with such a scenario.

“He seemed to have panicked and exploded the bomb straightaway after being swallowed by the huge ten meters long python, which caused the death of the python as well as his own within seconds,” the police chief claimed.

Police and authorities have denied any intelligence failure.

“The terrorist could not succeed in his nefarious designs and there has been no civilian casualties or harm to public property. How can you call it an intelligence failure? Tracking movement of pythons is not the job of the intelligence agencies or the police. You should ask the forest department about them. Therefore there is no question of intelligence failure in this case,” said the police chief.

The news has sent shockwaves across the country as it happened close on heels of reports suggesting that hundreds of terrorists were waiting across the border to infiltrate into India. The intelligence reports had mentioned places like J&K and big cities of India, but no one had even remotely suggested that tier-II and tier-III cities of India could be targeted either by the terrorists or by pythons. This has left the middle class and the lower middle class of India unnerved.

“We thought that only metros and elite locations were on the hit-list of the terrorists, but it seems that the terrorists can strike anywhere. If a python’s stomach is not safe, where should the common man go?” Barabanki resident Mansoor Ahmed wondered.

Meanwhile, far from the madding fears of the common men, politics has started over this bizarre incident with BSP supporters claiming that the python was released by Rahul Gandhi during his surprise visit to the city last week. BSP leaders have claimed that it was a part of Congress’ strategy to terrorize the dalits in backward areas and hoodwink them into voting for Congress.

While Congress has rubbished BSP’s claim, BJP has asked the state government to make a snake temple to commemorate the martyrdom of the patriot python.

Samajwadi Party has given a whole new twist to the case by claiming that the man swallowed by the python was not a terrorist from Pakistan but actually an unemployed Muslim youth from Azamgarh.

After hearing such arguments, local people have decided to fend for themselves and have invited snake charmers to protect themselves.