Instead of strangers, egg and sperm donors from within the family step forward to help childless couples in Gujarat
GK Mawani and his wife Rama recently celebrated their son Jay's first birthday in Surat. Also present at the party was Chetna (26), who gave birth to Jay. Chetna is the wife of Mawani’s nephew.
Rama hadn’t been able to conceive in her 16-year marriage so Chetna agreed to carry her uncle’s child. For the K-serial crazy Mawanis, Chetna is their family's “Tulsi”.
In fact, Gujarat has many examples of family members rescuing childless relatives by donating eggs or sperm. For instance, the wife of one brother donating eggs to the childless spouse of the other brother. A woman offering her womb to a child born of her husband’s sperm and an egg from their recently widowed daughter-in-law!
It may sound like genetics gone mad but there’s a reason this happens. Childless Indians are wary of taking sperm and eggs from strangers,says Dr Naina Patel,whose clinic in Anand delivered the country's first surrogate grandmother of her own grandchildren.
She says Indians “are comfortable with a family member coming to help, as there are no issues of caste and religion. Besides, it does not contaminate the traditional family gene pool”.
This is why Neil and Nandini, three-year-olds who live in the US, could grow up to tell their peers a story straight out of sci-fi books. They came to life in a petri dish; their birth mother is their grandmother Radha. The 48-year-old agreed to help her daughter four years ago because her marriage was falling apart over her barrenness. Arti did not have a uterus and her husband wanted a child that was genetically their own. Radha’s help meant they now do.
IVF expert Dr Falguni Bavishi says “families are more forthcoming today when it comes to helping a childless family member. A decade ago, most people would go for unknown donors and have a tough time finding a surrogate mother. Now, nearly 50% egg donors and 25% surrogates are close family members”.
So it was with Amrut Patel (36), a teacher in Saurashtra and his 32-year-old wife Veena. They had been trying for a child for 10 years and finally decided to turn to Veena’s cousin Kiran.
Now two months pregnant with the help of eggs donated by Kiran, Veena says that their having “practically grown up together” meant a lot to the prospective parents. “We are sure that good traits will be passed on in our child. More than the skin colour, we are bothered about the nature and sanskaar or culture of the donor,” she says.
The sentiment is echoed by Ritika, a New Zealand-based Gujarati, who recently gave birth to twins using eggs donated by her brother’s wife. She says genes were the deciding factor when it came to choosing a donor. “My sister donated eggs earlier for a cycle that failed. Now, thanks to bhabhi, I am the proud mom of two sons,” she says.
But does she never think — and agonise over — the fact that her sons’ genetic parents are her husband and sister-in-law? “I have delivered the sons, I am the mother. This thought never crosses my mind. We are emotionally very clear about it,” she says.
Not everyone is so sanguine. “One of every three or four couples does ask for anonymous donors as they do not want the possible emotional conflict of having a child who is genetically linked to a close family member,” admits Bavishi. But for the most part, IVF, egg and sperm donation and surrogacy seem to stay well within the great Indian family.
