OPINION: Didn't you tell me India was a democracy? Can we have one rule applying to all or not at all please? For those complaining of the noise during Ganpati festival in their neighbourhood, I am all with you and agree it's ridiculous and must stop. The noise is deafening, disruptive, disgusting. Totally. I mean totally!
Imagine not being able to hear our culture minister Mahesh Sharma say that Indian women should stay at home after dark, or some such regressive bullshit over the noise of the dhol. Imagine not being able to wade your way through visarjan traffic to catch hold of him and express your shock to/about him in time on social media before retiring for the night.
No, no, I'm not being cheeky. As long as we use Ramayana and Mahabharata lingo I am told he's okay with expression and discussion. Loves it in fact.
No, no, gussa is not the right word to use. It is too modern. Don't use that. Try krodh instead. It is suitably Sanskrit. To please our culture minister one has to pretend to be "BC". Before Christ. If we could act like we flew on Garudas and drank water in earthen pots from the well of Bhagwan Shri Ram, all the better.
All these steel and concrete manufacturers and industrialists have corrupted our pure Hindu nation you see. Let us reject anything modern and go back to living in bamboo huts with no electricity and refuse to wear sanitary napkins. Lets abandon cars and trains and ride elephant carriages once again. Let us reject anything the foreign invaders bought in and tricked us into believing was progress. Let us reject our computers and scratch our letters on stone instead.
Of course, language has to be monitored. We have to keep up the pretence that we don't know that the British ever ruled over us or that we can speak, think or write in English at all. After all HE - our culture minister - the pure desi Hindu bhakt himself - denies any association with the foreign language or its corrupt Western influence.
That he condemns the English influence speaking in English is another matter. But never mind. Maaf kar dein. That's another discussion. So what was I saying... Yes. I was saying that religion is a private matter and must not spill on to the streets. Ever. Ever, ever and never ever.
Which is why a few years ago, adamantly belligerent on the same thought process; I tried to bring to the attention of the local MLA, the 5am azaan that was disturbing my whole neighbourhood. I remember being startled awake by a most tuneless "Allah ho Akbar" call. The horror of besura had taken on a whole new meaning. After years of being slapped awake at 5am, regardless of whether your bedtime was 9pm the previous night or 4.45am the same morning, I could take it no more. Surely a human being is entitled to more than 15 minutes of sleep? Surely they could point the speakers to Mecca and so spare the rest of us non praying mortals the daily 5am fracas?
Worse was when a fundamentalist Hindu group decided to take out a 5am bhajan procession to counter the azaan. The "Jai Jagdish Hare" shattered my eardrums even through the I stuffed pillows over my ears in an attempt to drown out the religious assault. The chants of "Hare Rama Hare Krishna" became my nightmare every morning - they were as much, if not more besura than the "Allah ho Akbar" trauma.
Anyone with a trained musical ear will tell you there is no worse punishment than having to tolerate the tuneless.
Especially in the name of religion. Even the most religious cannot possibly be that tolerant and moreover, it was not only about having to suffer the timelessness. It was the sleeplessness. The forceful assault of religious sentiment. At 5am, for god's sake! Was there no mercy left in this world?
So after almost two years of suffering this circus I took up this matter with the local MLA. I badly needed sleep. I badly needed it. I was ready to go for a public interest litigation (PIL). Hell hath no fury like a sleep deprived brain. So... after many meetings and discussions the local authorities intervened and the bhajans were stopped. Yipeee. Sleep at last.
But I was told only the bhajans had been stopped and will no longer wake me up - no guarantee for anything else. I was categorically told to drop the matter of the 5am azaan if I didn't want my head chopped off. Head chopped off? I mean really? Didn't you tell me India was a democracy? Can we have one rule applying to all religions or not at all please?
So to those reading this piece, what is the amicable way to resolve this? Without hurting religious sentiments but at the same time standing up for what is fair, just and universal... I mean even Islamic countries don't have such loud early morning azaan.
As for those complaining about Ganpati festival's noise, himmat hai toh can you please also object to 365 days of 5am azaan? Mind it.
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