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| By Sarah Williams |
As much as I hate to admit it, this isn’t the first time it’s happened to me. In fact, chances are, if you’ve ever been to India, you’ll have bumped into at least one traveller who has experienced this sort of behaviour, or heard of someone else who it has happened to. I’ve spent countless hours with other travellers picking apart why men do it; why they seem to think it’s okay, why dignity seems to disappear when there’s foreign female flesh on show.
The first time this happened to me was back in 2012; I was 23 and it was my first trip to a developing country. Along the way, I’d met an Australian girl, Gemma, and we ended up spending 3 months or so travelling India together. At the time, we were wandering through Maharishi Mahesh Yogi Ashram (Or “The Beatles Ashram” to you and I) in the northern town of Rishikesh, when I spotted a man, hiding in the bushes watching us and wanking.
My horror quickly turned to hysterical laughter; Gemma and I screamed profanities, laughed, pointed and threw rocks at him. Laughing empowered me; I felt we sent a very clear message that we weren’t intimidated by him and that we thought he was pathetic. It was because of this that the next time a man masturbated in front of me (I was travelling alone at this point and in a train station) I felt perfectly comfortable laughing as loudly as I could, catching the attention of every person in that station, screaming; “LOOK AT THIS DISGUSTING MAN!
The man skulked off, I laughed for a while and that was it, I spent no more time thinking about it.
Fast forward three years and to the man a few days ago. I’m not entirely sure why I felt so different, and why this time affected me so much. Obviously I’m a few years older and an ounce or so more careful, but I still feel like I’m the same free-spirited and optimistic person, why was this experience so difficult for me? For days afterwards, I was nervous walking anywhere on my own, I stopped making eye contact at anyone in the street and I started carrying a pocket knife. I only ate in busy restaurants, sitting near families with children and I stopped smiling at any men, even the familiar faces of men who ran the guesthouse I was staying in.
After much, much deliberation and analysis of my own feelings, I realised I was angry for three reasons.
This man took away my freedom
I love that I’m a yes girl. I love that if an opportunity comes my way, then rarely do I think through the reasons why I shouldn’t; I say yes and I pack my bags. I follow my heart but I listen to my head. I love that I have so many stories that start with “Well, I got talking with this guy in a restaurant… and next we’re exploring an abandoned village!” or “Yeah, I met this couple… and next thing you know, I’m dancing in their wedding!” (Both true stories).
My adventurous and curious nature is something I hold so dearly as a part of who I am, but I felt like this disgusting, pervert of a man had snatched it away from me. For the three days following that experience, I have very little to talk about. I kept myself to myself and questioned decisions I had made in the past. Was I stupid to have taken what I would now call a risk?
He made me question whether I was right to defend India throughout the rape trials. And India in general, actually. Throughout the widely publicised Delhi bus rape case, I felt like my love for India was constantly being tested. People in my local town who knew nothing more about India than what a chicken korma tastes like made scathing comments on what a filthy country it is and how wrong Indian culture is. On a normal day, I am totally besotted with India; I’m so willing to talk of the endless reasons why India is without a doubt my favourite country to travel and I’ve recurrently made it my mission to convince others that they should travel there too. Throughout the trial, I devoted ludicrous amounts of time explaining to idiots who frequented the bar I was working in why they were wrong and why this news story was only one miniscule aspect of life in India.
I was beginning to question these original feelings and wondering if the ‘miniscule’ aspect was in fact far more serious and prevalent than I had recently observed through my rose-tinted glasses.
I was playing by India’s rules – why wasn’t India playing back?
Throughout the day here in India, I cover myself completely. I usually dress in Indian clothes; a salwar kameez (a type of long tunic and loose trousers) even when it is swelteringly hot. I look at men wearing shorts with envy and wish I could put on my hotpants and bikini top. On the rare occasion an opportunity to swim presents itself, I still wear long trousers and a long shirt, despite the fact that wearing clothes makes doing handstands really difficult (!) (Except of course in Goa, the Magaluf of India).
I was once in Amritsar, a city in the north of India to see The Golden Temple, the holiest place on earth for Sikhs, when an American girl walked past me in hotpants. I felt so cross that this girl was disobeying India’s customs.
Anyway, my point is, is that I make a huge effort to fit in with Indian traditions when I’m here. Is it too much to ask for this man to wait twenty minutes until he’s home to beat one out?
I decided to put some feelers out for other people with similar experiences. I put up a message on a Travel Blogging Community I belong to, asking if people had ever had comparable encounters. When I logged in the next day, I was horrified to see that it was happening to people every day.
One girl, Aleah Phils’ (Of Solitary Wanderer) experience stood out the most to me; she was repeatedly groped during Holi festival in Varanasi, India and had learned that this type of harassment actually has a name – Eve Teasing. Yes, Eve as in Adam and Eve, referring to the ‘temptress nature of Eve’, and disturbingly placing responsibility on the woman as the tease. After I read her blog post, I could only imagine how horrible this was for her.
Scarily, this wasn’t just happening in India, in fact, in just one day, I had heard from over 45 girls who had experienced this in over 20 countries. I’d even heard from a handful of men who’d been flashed at or groped.
I hit the three-day mark of feeling uneasy, I decided I absolutely would not allow this man and his tiny penis to make me feel this way. After I had gone through the three reasons why I had felt so frustrated, I felt slightly better. It seems knowledge really is power. The support from others that had similar experiences helped too (In a slightly depressing sort of way!). But in short, I think I just made a conscious decision not to allow this man to take who I am as a person. As I said before, I love smiling at people. Why should I be made to stop now? There are far, far more incredible adventures that have come from smiling than horrible ones like this.
Tips for staying safe in India (or anywhere else)
Firstly, follow the obvious – don’t travel alone at night
(The majority of my own experiences with flashers have come from opportunist men on the sides of streets in poorly-lit roads)
Use women-only facilities where possible.
At times I have been too stubborn. In India, there are women-only carriages and on previous occasions, I have thought defiantly to myself “Women’s carriages? I don’t need to be looked after! I shall travel in the mixed carriages; I shall show that I am not afraid of any man!” I now accept that the women’s carriages are there for a reason, and as a foreigner, it simply makes life a lot easier. If there are none, make an effort to stand either near families, couples or the exit.
Filter your eye-contact
I also realise that smiling at people can be a lovely way of starting friendships, but personally, I need to filter who I smile at with more thought. Families with children, women and girls or harmless teenagers are still fine, but I am definitely taking a moment or two longer to assess how I feel about the men.
Don’t be afraid to speak up
If you are feeling uncomfortable, tell someone. I was once in a train station when a man approached me and started feeling my bum. I screamed the station down, yelling at him and gesturing to others what he was doing. He was quickly removed and everyone in the vicinity started apologising on his behalf. Even if you have to bluff, announce that you are contacting the police. Where possible, locate a policeman and report it.
Don’t be afraid to say no
Parts of India’s charm are the people who want to be your best friends – and as a result, will ask for your phone number or to be friends on Facebook. I met a guy yesterday who was anxious and wanted advice on how to deal with this. He wasn’t comfortable with sharing that information but didn’t know how to say no. Guys, it is okay to say no. You don’t need to give a reason; a polite but firm refusal is good enough. If you feel more comfortable telling a white lie and saying that you don’t have Facebook, then so be it – do what you feel comfortable with and don’t feel pressured.
Remember the good in people
This is one of the most important things to remember. No matter how crappy the day has been, or how frustrated you feel, it is so important to remember that in every country there are good and bad people. For every man that has flashed me, there are countless others who have taken the time of day to make sure I’m on the right train, to help me find the guesthouse I’ve lost the address for, to let me borrow their phone, to offer me lunch when I look fed up.
Most importantly – don’t let one person ruin your overall experience of a place.
I realise the majority of this post shines a pretty dismal light on India. I promise it isn’t all like this; and I do not want to put anyone off coming to this incredible country. There are so, so many more wonderful people and wonderful experiences than the (literal) wankers out there.
Law In India
“Laws are enacted for conditions, not specific situations. Broadly, it is an obscene act and is punishable,” said Dushyant K. Mahant, a lawyer in Delhi. “New amendments in the Indian Penal Code (IPC) inserted voyeurism, stalking as well as other crimes. Laws are always evolving.”
In the absence of specific laws that punish this crime, it is hard to find data on how many such cases are booked in the country.
“We hear of these cases from social media and friends all the time. Most of the women I know have encountered this at some time or the other. But I have hardly ever seen such cases come to courts,” a Supreme Court lawyer, who deals with women-related issues, explained on condition of anonymity, .
As far as any punishment is concerned, legal experts told Quartz that offenders can be booked under several sections of the IPC. Among others, they can be tried under section 354 of the IPC, which deals with “assault or criminal force to woman with intent to outrage her modesty,” and section 268, which deals with public nuisance.
But, the Indian law does not use the word “masturbation” anywhere.
“Women do not report such cases to the police often, due to many reasons, including the inconvenience of getting involved in legal tangles,” Kavita Krishnan, secretary of the All India Progressive Women’s Association, told Quartz. “Police complaint is not the only solution to this problem. There is a need for developing cities in a way that the streets are safer and not secluded, and a woman can find help at hand whenever needed.”
Have you experienced anything similar? Do you have any other advice on keeping safe?
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