Feature: Divorce - A Catastrophic Event In A Child’s Life

Parents are seen as super heroes by their children who think that there is no problem too tough for them to handle. Children believe that their parents will work out their differences and solve any issue. But divorce comes as a nightmare to children, who are unable to deal with it.

The termination of a matrimonial union can be stressful, sad and harmful. Children suffer the most in broken families, with emotional scars that can stay with them throughout their lives. What parents see as an escape route turns out to be a lifelong burden for their children. 

Here are some of the effects of divorce on children:

• Reduced academic performance: Children who are the victims of divorce suffer from behavioural problems that hinder their grades. Academic performance tends to decline in most cases.

• Tendency to go astray: Children of divorced parents can go off track and resort to habits that are bad for them. They are more likely to engage in alcohol, cigarettes, drugs and juvenile crimes.

• Lower standard of living: Children from divorced homes usually have to face a lower standard of living after the divorce because there is a division of income and a substantial drop in the income of the custodial parent.

• Child abuse: Children from divorced homes are at a higher risk of child abuse and are more prone to illnesses and health problems.

• Obesity and emotional eating: Children from broken homes are at a higher risk of obesity, according to a new study. Children overeat to help them cope with the emptiness and neglect.

• Psychological distress: Children of divorced parents suffer from depression, stress, anxiety and psychological distress, which have long lasting effects. Some overcome them in adulthood while some carry the scars throughout their lives.

• Bad choices in relationships: As adults, choosing the right partner or relationship for themselves is a challenge. They end up with the wrong person due to the bad examples set before them.

• Premarital sex and abortion: Children from divorced homes end up having premarital sex and sometimes even abortions. They suffer higher chances of break ups, domestic violence and ugly live-in relationships that don't result in marriage.

• Abandoment: Divorce usually ends with one or both of the separated parents finding a new partner. This comes as a shock to children, who find it difficult to adjust to having a step parent and step siblings. There are spats in the home and in many cases the new parent may not love and care for the step children as their own. The children start to have feelings of abandonment.

While it is sometimes difficult for married couples to stay together, there may at times be reasons that can cause you to split up. It is important that you help your children cope with the divorce to avoid the negative effects.

You should be honest with your children and tell them why you split up, but in a prudent manner. Matters of infidelity, finance, etc. can be tough to explain to young children but tackle them wisely.

Take the time to be a friend to your children. This will not only help them vent their feelings but will also earn you their support. Acknowledge their feelings, talk to them and calm them down. It is always the unspoken words and unhealed wounds that are most dangerous.

Take the time to clear all the misconceptions and misunderstandings in your children's head. Your children might be blaming themselves for the divorce, which lowers academic performance and causes them to go astray.

Give your children love and confidence. Show them that nothing has changed and reassure them that both of you are going to be there for them. Avoid any having arguments with your ex-spouse in front of your children.