Given the high level of C-grade celebrities and yawn-inducing moments inside the house, you were left wondering whether the closing ceremony would manage to match the smarmy factor. And it did not disappoint. There were C-grade item girls, B-grade actors and a smattering of actual stars — much like the show had.
First off, Sallu bhai. Leaving aside whatever I may feel about Sallu bhai’s personal life with his love for pedestrians, black bucks and slightly black-and-blue beauty queens — I must say that if I was a channel looking for a host for my show, I’d go knocking on his door.
Talk about giving the audiences and the channel the requisite bang for their buck. Salman did it all. He started the closing episode by dancing to a medley of his hits — which to me seemed to last for almost 15 to 20 minutes. Didn’t forget or falter in his steps even once. Even did a little skit in between his dance items. He matched steps with Prabhu Deva and Remo, did the moonwalk and made fun of himself. He then made witty statements and parleyed with the contestants with ease. He even displayed some acting chops when he went into the house and pretended to evict the wrong contestant. Who knew such talent lay in him?
But Salman aside, what else did the 2-hour long finale throw up? Well, there was our Eastern European meets Bengali connection Yaana Gupta who danced in a golden cage and thankfully didn’t plug her magnum opus — How to Love your Body and get the body you love. No, that’s not a typo and yes, she has written a book. Her book name does have the L and B in capital letters and sells under the “physical and oral health” section of Flipkart. But by the time you had finished wondering where she had been resurrected from, thankfully her bit was over.
Two of the contestants who’d been ousted then did a water dance. In the swimming pool. In Lonavala. And must be now paying for their hypothermia treatment with whatever pittance they were paid by the show. By this time, the remaining contestants in the house had started getting a glazed over look as was I. As far as I recall, it was after Yana Gupta’s go go girl act in the cage, that Emraan Hashmi trooped in for a bit to plug his new film, Ek Thi Daayan (There Once Was A Witch). Odd timing to say the least. But the piéce-de-resistance, which made Sallu look even better than usual, was when the next set of guests walked on. Which is when you realised things couldn’t get any worse, and maybe the plan by the channel was to call the worst of guests so as to make their sorry lineup of “celebs” on this season of Bigg Boss look slightly better.
To drive home the point that Bigg Boss was nothing short of a nautanki, Neha Dhupia and — hold your breath — handsome Tusshar Kapoor with strangely straightened hair came on and performed one of the worst comedy bits I’ve seen in a while. If this was a taste of what their comedy show Nautanki will be like, I really worry for Colors. And Tusshar Kapoor. How he must be getting mocked during dinner at the Kapoor home.
And then thankfully it was the end. Salman looked pleased as punch that he’d made it through the entire closing without a hitch. And seemingly without a drink – although he did vanish for 10 minutes in between one act. So who knows. The head freak of the Bigg
Boss house was announced. And the lesser freak, who in this case was the bigger one, looked shattered. I have to say, while I won’t miss Bigg Boss every evening, I will miss watching Salman. After proving his turn as a host in Dus Ka Dum, he’s more than amply proven that of all the actors-turned-TV hosts, he’s the most natural of the lot. This season he even ticked off the contestants and asked them to speak to him politely whenever they wouldn’t. It was all quite endearing. May his tribe prosper – not on the sidewalks or in the wildlife sanctuaries.
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