By Nidhi Dawar
This is one of the hot beat dilemmas which young couples are facing nowadays, and I feel this question is bothering almost every couple from all sections of the society.
- Whether to have one child or two?
- Will there be sibling rivalry then?
- What if we can’t give the best to both of them?
- What about our Personal growth and development, whole of our life we just can’t stay at home and take care of kids?
- Will my maid be responsible and trustworthy enough to take care of my babies in my absence?
The questions goes on and they are endless, with my near and dear one’s around, who are married and already have one child, this is the topic that takes out its way from somewhere or the other somehow every time we meet. And this topic is not only bothering the couples but it’s of much more concerns to their parents and oldies also. Both the parties have their own logic to support their stand, and I feel both have enough reasons to justify their sides too.
We are four siblings and were brought up in a joint family with cousins all the time around us. No one ever told us to share or to divide one chocolate into say 6 or 8 pieces but we knew that that’s the way we need to do, as this is how our elders did. Even if we had one chocolate for each we would still share and eat them one by one. We had common clothes to wear, one set of nappies were used at least for 4 to 5 babies, having been passed from one to another till they were almost torn or there was no more baby in row, whole day just playing on mud and sand, playing endless make- believe plays sometime I became a doctor, or sometime a mother, or a police …
But when I see the present trend where we are moving towards nuclear families, our paying capacities are increasing many folds, desire to give the best and no way settling on second best in ascending trend, and even if I don’t have time to sit with my kid at least the new PS 3 would make my child happy.
The other day I was out for a walk in the park and I overheard a group of young children talking about new game CDs, iMac computer, PS 3, gadgets and I could not see any of my childhood games been played in the park by any of the groups. It made be even little nostalgic as I started wondering that whether they even know what is ‘hide n seek’, ‘chain -chain’, ‘crocodile –crocodile what color you want’, ‘hit the ball’, ‘up down’, ‘stapoo’ etc, And for me even when today, I think of these games I go back to those beautiful memories.
Yes I agree with those parents also those who believe that we need to be really prepared emotionally, financially and physically when ever we want to get into parenthood. As true as it can be, quality and quantity both are very important for development of the child. I really don’t understand this new line that sounds more like a cliché “I am spending good quality time with my children”. I want to ask these parents, can good little delicious bite of any food take away your hunger, or can a small sip of water take off your thirst, similarly quantity is also equally important.
There were and are times when I could share my thoughts with my sister but not with my parents, there were times when even though I wanted to talk to mum and dad; they were busy in something, but either my brother or my sister one of them was always around me, and there were also times when everyone was around and I wanted time out only for my self. During time of emotional breakdowns I don’t remember I was ever alone, there was someone may be my mum or my dad, or my sisters or my brother, someone used to be there and their presence made a lot of difference.
Thus when I say this, I am not saying that one child is better or two are better; what I want to say is that in today’s fast moving times and notice the breakdowns in young children and adolescents, we need to see and feel what is it that is leading today to all this. May be we are happy under the cover that I am their for my child in best of the ways but the child perhaps doesn’t feel so. Keep the channels open and if the child doesn’t have siblings be his elder sister or brother and if there are siblings then don’t give your parental duties onto them as they have their own roles to do anyhow.
Therefore I would just like to end by saying that instead of struggling between the best and the worst and on that loosing the beautiful time, what we need to do is to be around our children, make them know that they are special to us and lastly but not the least its always better to have “Children by choice and not by chance”, plan a family when you are ready emotionally, physically, and financially.
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