Unmarried Indian women and their woes

By Samiya Anwar

Besides being single if somebody asks of my opinion I would say married people are happier, loving, secure and stable, also kind in nature". It is just may be because I am still in the list of spinsters. However I observed many times if married respected, if not people question, suspect and doubt.

Life is not easy though, single women is one who not only is independent and enjoys life but also laughs easily who cries thoroughly, who often feels angry and lonely, who is strong and weak, who is brave and scared, she feels wanted, she deserves happiness. Because, they are more committed than men, they have more desires than need to marry, have a career and everything they want in life.

Although women of todays are fighting over all the stereotypes, they are also utilizing their skills in making career. It cannot be denied women are very successful in the present day in every sphere. From academics to sports, research to arts, every where women have shown potential abilities but still the life of women is no easy. They are stressful not stress-free. There are “too many expectations” from her in the family and world. It is something like your own family, relatives, neighbors, friends constantly badger you with “too many questions” if you remain single say close to 30. The pity looks of uncle-aunties scare you and bother. You end up occasionally losing sleep worrying about the future. You no longer feel happy when your cousin gets marry and a friend have a kid. A kind of covetousness fills inside. What to say and whom to say. You get screwed. You either slip into depression or start busying your mind in other work. Moreover get confused.

We can see there are relatively large numbers of women who remained unmarried despite societal pressures to wed. And sometimes I do, I do think of those successful and power-oriented females who have been climbing the ladder of life without any spouse. Don’t they feel the need of a partner? Will they die just being called a spinster having no children, getting old lonely? Or are they too busy to tie the knot? Or might be they don’t find a suitable match to have a marriage life. All these questions baffled my mind, so I had a discussion with few unmarried women about their opinion, life and career.

Some women believe that "marriage does not make you a complete person. You have to be a complete person before you can be married..." this is what a single woman says who is found more at parlors for a make-over. The parlors and spas are hit these days with single women who are going for weight-loss, liposuction, nose job and a complete new look. Also few are heartbroken with the family history of broken relationships and fear of increasing divorce rates. They question “If marriages are made in heaven, why there is divorce”. And somewhat women think after marriage they loose independence. There is a constant pressure from husband and in-laws to be at home and sacrifice career. She is in competition with fanatics always.

Other few don’t find a suitable partner. May be because, women are more likely to seek information than men, every working women wants a husband who earns more than her, who is good-looking, handsome, well-settled and qualified. Everything does not come in one package and women fail to understand. They spent larger amount of time at matrimonial sites, chat rooms and often feel sad, isolated, angry and rejected. Like Sabiha didn’t find her fate in the matrimony. She is 25 barely but working from 7 years in a call center to meet the needs of the family. She also dreams of a soul mate and wish to marry some day. But the time doesn’t permit her to settle that way. She feels sad, isolated and dishearten. She began to consume alcohol to forget her ultimate desire.

This is not just one case of dejected female, many unmarried females’ falls for obsessions. For instance, internet is a boon for the discontented people. A recent survey concluded that more and more females are serving net in comparison to last decade. The social networking sites like Facebook, Orkut, Myspace has number of women seeking for a relationship.

They are beautiful, they are successful, and they are popular but still lack something in life. And it is terrible that few women hate going home after work because they have no one waiting for them, if not in a relationship. Like in the Bollywood movie Gangster-A Love Story, Simran (Kangana Ranawat) finds it desolated when boy friend and gangster Daya (Shiney Ahuja) is at busy at work. She falls allegedly in love with someone else Akaash (Emran Hashmi), a cop in his absence.

However Fatima says “From a tiny tot, I loved the stories and keep asking my mother to repeat the same old story unless I started making my own. The story of how my parents met had been told to me many times. I knew it like most children know the story of Cinderella or other fairy tales I always dreamed of meeting someone and falling in love the way they did. And mind it; she is not a rare bird of those imaginary feathers. In words of Kripa if you get that one person in life, your life is perfect, you’re perfect in deed. I think the world keeps changing. But the women is same, she wants the same thing. A fairytale just like Cinderella, even now in the 21st century the world go round with the word-love. Every one wants to love and be loved. Marriage and relationship is a must-thing for you and also the society.

Nevertheless ness, we live in a very family-oriented and deeply cultural society where a good home is the BEST thing a woman can do. Till now people ponders (including men and women) that a women is successful only if she is married. Despite of having success and world at feet women still needs a shoulder to lie on, make love, cry and spend life with. Some agree, some not, few argue, few don’t listen. But there is potential need to every woman to settle down at some point of life because trouble shared is trouble half and women are men’s better half. To some extent it is false to say women are behind every successful man but men do stay behind each successful woman. And why not, men and women are no separate; they are two sides of a same coin. What do you say?