The Anatomy of Ecstasy

By M H Ahssan

Creating an explosive sexual reaction means taking the right elements for you and her. Get it right and you'll prolong your relationship and your life.

The A-spot Anal
Take advantage of her nerves: sensation from both the vagina and the anus go to the brain through the pelvic nerve. "So it's not surprising that when activated non-genitally, it can also generate orgasm," says Dr Rajan Bhonsle, consultant in sexual medicine and counsellor. Thus rectal stimulation can feel good because her nervous system thinks the pleasure is coming from the vagina. The way to make this work for you both is to gently stimulate both at the same time. But make sure you ask first because a lot of women are squeamish.

The E-spot Eyes
Research in the journal Sexual Rehabilitation of the Spinal-Cord-Injured Patient found that some women can experience orgasm and sexual pleasure from imagery alone, without any form of touching. Use it to your advantage by assuming a face-to-face position, with you on top and her getting a good view of your manly physique enveloping her. Doggy style is out, then. But her imagining it is not.

The B-spot Breasts
Use the science of breasts to speed along her orgasm. Sensory activity from the breasts causes production and secretion of oxytocin, the same hormone as caused by vaginal or clitoral stimulation, says Dr Bhonsle who is also head of department of sexual medicine at Seth GS Medical College, Mumbai. This then travels to the area of the brain that monitors the genitals. Use slow, rhythmic stimulation of her nipples and the lower portion of her breasts to increase her responsiveness before you move south.

The M-spot Mouth
"Orgasms can be elicited from any body part," says Dr Bhonsle. "But because of their high nerve density, a woman's lips have been found to have a direct effect on her genital organs." So kiss her at different levels of pressure and rhythm during sex- don't just roll on top of her lips-first as a signal that you're bored with watching TV and angling to get down to it. That's a turn-off.

The K-spot Knees
Experiments conducted by the authors of The Science Of Orgasm discovered an orgasm-like response from the stimulation of a woman's knee. A vibrator applied to this body-part caused an increase in muscle-tension leading toward the top of her legs, which resulted in climax. Exploit the orgasmic potential of running your hands up and down her legs before and during sex, paying particular attention to the area between the very top of her thighs and the crook of her knee.

The G-spot G-spot
After the clitoris, this should be your orgasmic fail-safe. Research in the journal Annals Of Sex Research describes how using fingers to stimulate the front wall inside the vagina with the woman lying on her back enabled 100 per cent of those tested to achieve orgasm. Follow the technique of the examiners and rub the "internal region nearest the clitoris" using a 'come-here' motion (shape like a fish-hook) with one or more fingers.

The C-spot Clitoris
You know where this is, right? In a report published in Obstetrics and Gynaecology, 94 per cent of women studied had experienced orgasm from direct clitoral simulation. The clitoris was said to be 'the most densely innervated part of the human body' and clitoral orgasms were found to feel acutely localised around the genitals. All those nerve endings mean you need to start slow. "Follow her body's motion so you build up your rhythm as she gets closer to her big moment," says Dr Sudhakar Krishnamurti, andrologist and microsurgeon, director of Andromeda Andrology Center, Hyderabad.

Jumpstart your sex lifeHere's your most definitive guide to win her heart, body and soul...

Compliment her: And keep doing it. It'll make her feel noticed, special and appreciated, and closer to you. "The more connected she feels, the more sexually inspired she'll feel," says Dr Minnu Bhonsle, a psychologist at Heart To Heart Counselling Centre, Mumbai. Compliment what she feels good about and cares about—her hair, shoes, work triumphs—but be genuine. A confident sex partner is an adventurous sex partner.

Use fragrance for foreplay: Spray a touch of the cologne she loves on the sheets. A study by Indiana University found that women who fantasised while smelling a men's cologne were more aroused than when smelling a neutral odour or women's cologne. If you don't have a scent, shop for one with her. That's foreplay for her, too.

Talk in public: In a park with people all around, whisper your fantasies to each other, sparing no detail. You'll create sexual tension, but there's no possibility of sex then and there. "It's just plain sexy to start something that can't be finished right then," says Helen Fisher, PhD, a US-based anthropologist and the author of Why We Love.

Go wild: Add a distinct but manageable touch of danger to the day. It will stimulate dopamine in her brain, which may trigger her sex drive, says Dr Rohit Jaiman, consultant psychiatrist at Fortis, New Delhi. Pick the right trip-a guided white-water excursion, for instance-and learn all about both the risks and the precautions you'll take. She'll see you as the cause of the excitement, as well as the source of security.

Explore new regions: You've heard about her nipples and vagina? Good. Now spend some time on the back of her neck. It's a brave new world of nerve endings, so gentle caressing and kissing helps. The base of her spine is sensation central, as well. Sex becomes about discovery, not seeking some destination. "Goal-oriented sex is not that sexy, so you need to try new erogenous zones," says Mumbai-based sexologist and counsellor Dr Prakash Kothari.

Watch porn with the sound off... So the two of you can provide the dialogue. You'll learn how to talk erotically, so it's very educational. But it's also fun, you're both in vested in it, and it can help reveal fantasies, says Ava Cadell, PhD, a sex therapist and the author of Love around the House.

...or see a chick flick: Maybe porn isn't her thing. But Hrithik, Imran Khan or George Clooney might be, and for her, these guys are porn. She'll be fantasising about a man who's sweet and will treat her well. And when he kisses the female lead, you kiss your lady at the same time. Show her that reality-her life-can be better.

Craft fantasies: One lazy afternoon, get some wine and divide 10 playing cards amongst yourselves. Write down five sexual fantasies while the wine loosens your inhibitions. Then head out to dinner and over more wine, pull out the cards and discuss. You'll feel filthy discussing this stuff in hushed voices in public, which is the point. Make three piles-'Yes', 'Maybe' and 'Never'. Once a month (she feels sexiest before she ovulates), pull a winner. Any necessary planning heightens the anticipation.

Invite her to ditch her underwear during dinner: The naked secret you now share will linger through dessert, says Dr Samir Parikh, chief of department of mental health and behavioural sciences at Max Healthcare, New Delhi.

Visit the bookstore: The books on erotica will fuel your imaginations. Make some purchases, then read them to each other. You'll discover new interests that, amazingly, never came up. Then, enact a scene.

Try something new during penetration: Rather than in-and-out, try rotation. It'll make for a different kind of clitoral stimulation, says Dr Rajan Bhonsle, consultant in sexual medicine and counsellor. Less thrusting will help you last much longer too.

Leave home: Plan a trip without the kids, because Mom and Dad must also be husband and wife. Take lots of pictures; in a few months, go through them slowly, and recall all the great stuff.

Ask for directions: The clitoris has two sides. So ask, "Do you like it on the left or the right?" Either she knows and will appreciate your sensitivity or she doesn't, and now you've given her a new path to happiness. Plus, she'll be more comfortable giving you feedback.

Feed her black licorice: Black licorice has been shown to speed up her genital blood flow by 40 per cent. Or eat one of these sex enhancers yourself.

Sex enhancers to try today
If you need a dose to further stiffen your resolve in the bedroom, here's the lowdown on prominent potency products.

Viagra
The claim: Developed to combat angina, Viagra dilates blood vessels with the effect, among other things, of increasing blood flow to the penis.
The science: According to researchers at Auburn University, Viagra can help treat the unmanly droop caused by everything from depression to diabetes.

Ginkgo Biloba
The claim: The leaves of this tree are said to be an anti-depressant and increasing sexual response.
The science: It relaxes the muscle controlling blood flow to the penis. One study found that it improved libido and orgasm in 76 per cent of cases tested.

Yohimbine
The claim: Bark from this tree has been said to enhance your erection quality.
The science: According to the Archives of Sexual Behavior, a dose of 15-30gm per day can produce 'positive effects'.

Tribulus Terrestris
The claim: This plant extract is reputed to help you grow every (and that!) muscle in your body, by increasing your testosterone production.
The science: The results are dubious. Online drug watchdog supplementwatch. com notes the active ingredient hasn't even been identified. It's been observed to stimulate 'mounting' in animals.

Ginseng
The claim: A stress-reliever, ginseng has been found to perk up more than just your mood.
The science: This increases the flow of erection-facilitating nitric oxide. A study found ginseng had a positive effect on 60 per cent of men suffering the droop.

Arginmax
The claim: This is a herbal supplement pitched at the Viagra buyer that promises 'great sex and good health for men and women'.
The science: A study published in the Hawaii Medical Journal found an 89 per cent increase in ability to maintain erection in men who participated in the study.

Cardamom
The claim: Spices are said to fire up libido. A strong aphrodisiac, it is popular in India and was used by queen Cleopatra to deodorise her rooms.
The science: Cardamom is high in cineole, a central nervous system stimulant. It can increase blood flow in areas where it is applied. It can be mixed with honey.

Chillies
The claim: One of the 'love foods', it has been known to have anti-inflammatory, circulatory and relaxant properties.
The science: These are rich in capsaicin, a chemical that stimulates nerve endings and raises pulse. They also release endorphins that give the body a heady feeling.