Sunday, June 28, 2015

Satire: Packet Of Potato Chips To Cost More As Quality Air, Its Vital Ingredient, Gets Costlier And Unavailable!

PepsiCo India issued notification about the increase in price which will affect consumers from July 1st. As Indian consumers have become more assertive after the Maggi episode, PepsiCo India spokesperson told us they cannot take any more chance by not highlighting what the packet contains.

We met company spokesperson  Ram Kumar later in the evening to know more about this. This reporter started asking if PepsiCo had not increased the price per pack over the years as the quantity of potato chips, which was 10% of the overall volume of the packet to start with, had come down to less than 3% now.

Ram agreed with our observation. He told us, “There were not many options left before us. We have to keep the price points at 5, 10, 20 & 30 as India is already struggling big time for lack of sufficient change coins and we did not want to aggravate the situation further. Over the years we brought different flavors, however we never compromised on the ingredients which gives our valuable customers unique experience. We had to reduce the potato chip percentage over the years to maintain our price points and to keep our business profitable in a highly competitive market.”

“After we saw the way Maggi episode unfolded and looking at the hardship Nestle India is facing right now, we have decided to tighten our quality control. It was shocking for our management to note we never cared about the main ingredient that goes to the Lays packets, that is ‘air’. The vital ingredient quantity is going up over the years; it seems none of our quality assurance team has taken a note of it. When we checked with our quality assurance head, he told us the instruction was to taste (test) the chips, not the air.”

“We have revamped our quality assurance team by replacing some of them who have grown in size and have become lethargic by tasting chips every day. We are confident the new team we have put in place for tasting air will remain fit and healthy as air does not contain much fat.”

Ram, taking our journalist in to confidence, revealed, “To be frank after AAP government ordered CAG audit of private discoms for inflated electricity bills, we were concerned someday AAP government might order audit of inflated air quantity present in our packets. Luckily for us the AAP government has not got time to govern due to the multiple issues they are facing till now.”

When faking news asked from where you will collect air to fill the packs as most of India is severely polluted and Indian capital ranks among the worst in the world.  Ram said, “like some companies in packaged water business have found some pure water source in Himalayan region, we are hopeful we will find something like that in near future. 

Yes, this will increase the cost of the packet which in turn may reduce the potato chip quantity to negligible amount. However we are confident about the Indian aspiring class who have moved on from Nokia 1100 to iPhone6 plus. They will not go back to eating chips prepared by local vendors. It is so uncool!”

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