By Aeman Nishath
Follow the wanderlust... as two hearts merge into one hearth.
From Laila-Majnu to Romeo-Juliet lovers have pined for each other scribing trees and their hearts with their vows of love. Historically eloping (running away to get married) was considered the scandals of scandals. So today when norms and customs have changed and society has become more lenient why are people continuing to elope?
A recent headline in the news read, ''Crisis couples prefer to elope!''
What???
With all the leaps in technology and liberalization permeating the globe… one wonders why couples would have to run away to sanctify their relationship vows into matrimony.
It was just two decades earlier when top Bollywood celebrities due to family opposition or audience disapproval were silently getting married or eloping. Hema Malini and Dharmendra, Padmini Kholapure and Tutu Sharma and Shivangi and Shakti Kapoor are some couples that come to mind.
Today's generation though modern on the outset remains paradoxically inflexible when it comes to maintaining tradition and solemnizing their vows. The Bollywood Generation X Kajol and Ajay Devgan, Ashwariya and Abhishek Bachchan, Suzanne and Hrithik Roshan and Zaid Khan and his wife Malika all did it the traditional way. No running away to tie the knot unlike the previous generation.
Conversely actor Vindoo Dara Singh eloped not once but twice in the past decade. His first marriage to actress Farah (sister of Tabu) was registered due to opposition from both sides mainly due to Vindoo and Farah's different religions. The marriage fizzled after sometime Vindoo re-married Russian model Dina - in a quiet secret ceremony.
Though societal expectations and norms have changed to some degree there is enough of a force to keep modernity in check. The main factor according to leading sociologists and a pundit is family approval. There is no definition of what is acceptable or not as each family is as individual as its members. Why religion, background, caste, career, and geography may or may not be topics of concern for one family and not another is something no one can answer.
For celebrities many of the issues remain the same and some have changed in the past few decades. Where yester-year actresses had to hide their marriages due to fear of audience rejection today's Bollywood sirens don't have to worry about audience acceptance. Not only are Kajol and Karishma Kapoor accepted as single women on screen despite being married in real life, but also sexy Malaika Arora Khan is giving edgy competition to single sultanas Kareena, Katrina and Mallika Sherwat.
So if perspective has changed why is eloping still making news?
Shaaditimes spoke with Shivangi Kapoor, wife of Bollywood villain Shakti Kapoor and mother of two to find out her views on eloping today.
Shivangi and Shakti Kapoor recently celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. "It seems like yesterday that we decided to have an impromptu wedding," recalls Shivangi. The fierce disapproval of Shivangi's family at that time lead the couple to take their marital vows through a registered marriage followed by a traditional puja with the priest. We were young and in love and at that time it was all that mattered to both Shakti and me," remembers Shivangi.
Shivangi feels, "I think most parents are open-minded enough to accept who their children select as their life partners. I feel if you've brought them up properly there should not be an issue." Would she accept who her children wish to marry? "Absolutely, both Shakti and I would want Shraddha and Siddhanth to be happy and if they're happy - so would we be."
If elopement is still prevalent in our society it could also possibly be more due to plain old economics. The world is going through a global recession and the cost of the Big Fat India Wedding continues to increase exponentially. Would Shivangi mind if her children eloped? "Yes and no. Me and Shakti wouldn't mind if they agreed to a small wedding like my sister Tejaswini opted for, and a down payment on a flat or a luxurious honeymoon in Europe," she muses and continues, "But I think we both would want the marriage rituals done traditionally."
Elopements are not limited to the youth. As Indian society ages and becomes modernized widows, widowers, singles and people in unhappy marriages are opting out for a new love casting aside sometimes over thirty years of marriage. "Divorce and re-marriage don't have the same taboos as they once did," believes Shivangi though she clarifies, "I do feel if you can make your marriage work you should stay." US based author Rebecca Mead of "One Perfect Day" feels "cost issues", "tightening budgets", and aging relationships are what keeps the elopement business booming. Just look at Nevada, the elopement capital in the US, and you'll see what we mean.
"In the US a wedding cost can be astronomical - as high as $30,000 US dollars per wedding." Today even professionals and yuppies see eloping as a practical option. Karla Neville, 27, decided to elope with Gabe Evans in July while they were on vacation in Portland Oregon. "We promised each other when we got engaged we wouldn't let the process of planning a wedding stress us," said Evans, 42, an Art Director in New York. The couple realized their vision of romanticism and got married on a mountaintop far far from Thomas Hardy's maddening crowd. There was a minister and family friends. The cost of the wedding clinked in at less than $1500 US. Now that was sweet music to their ears.
So whatever the impetus for elopement the only thing which has changed is the scandal - it just doesn't have the same stigma anymore in a society where tolerance abounds. So this is one case where maybe you should follow your heart, and in the bargain you may even save heart-ache and money to you and your partner and respective families.
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