The subject of biryani is quite popular these days. Usually it is referred to in a scornful and mocking tone. Anti-national Porkistanis sometimes object to this, saying see, Muslim food is being victimised. They also see it is as part of a wider vegetarian conspiracy.
They imagine secret Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh conclaves where participants are swearing holy oaths using ghee, and raising slogans such as ‘Today biryani! Tomorrow shami kababs!’
I am here to reassure you that this is not the case. There is no need to jump to conclusions. Please be fair. Traditionally, the RSS has consisted of brahmins from Nagpur. Kashmiri, Bengali and Maharashtrian brahmins all eat non-veg. Would they victimise fellow brahmins in this way? Madhuri Dixit is a Maharashtrian Brahmin. For all we know, she loves biryani. Just think of her eyes lighting up at a restaurant, at the sight of the steaming, clay pot, a faint flush suffusing her pale cheeks as she breathes in the aroma?
Is it right or fair to deny her anything? Which right-thinking Hindu would support such an act? This theory of Hindu victimisation of biryani simply does not stand up to scrutiny. However, since biryani is now part of the national discourse, it is necessary to place it in the proper cultural context. We shall now do so. Time permitting, we will cover the Upanishads.
The matter of biryani is not simple. Even if there are misguided elements who want to suppress it, the time for suppressing it has long passed. We have been eating biryani for over a thousand years. Some say it was introduced from Persia. Others say it was invented on the battlefield, where it was easier to cook everything in one pot.
Lucknow, Calcutta and Hyderabad have become major centres. Muradabad has appeared as a recent challenger. The need for potatoes is fiercely debated. It seems completely pointless, but a wide variety of vegetarian versions are also available. Biryani has infiltrated us thoroughly.
How do the scriptures guide us on this? The truth is, we’re not following them well. They ask us not to harm any living creature, which we seem to do quite a lot. To be fair, following their many instructions on food would be difficult. They suggest we should eat facing south or west. They say we should not drink milk from cows who have recently calved. This would cause big problems for Mother Dairy, an evil organisation which tortures cows on a daily basis, in full public view.
The point is, 100% implementation of ancestral practices does not seem to be practical. If we take this to its logical conclusion, and follow the eating habits of our earliest, original, most unpolluted ancestors, we would have to live on roots, berries and road-kill.
There is, therefore, no political, anthropological or religious basis for the societal rejection of biryani. Why then, is biryani facing so much criticism? Why are we beginning to automatically associate a certain kind of facial expression with the word ‘biryani’, along with sarcastic hand gestures? It’s because sometimes, when we love something deeply, our judgement is clouded. Biryani has been so good to us.
We have given each other the best years of our lives. When someone talks loudly, and mentions the word biryani, our hackles rise. We suspect that they are insulting the thing that we love. We leap to its defence. This is only natural, but we have misunderstood. The object of contempt here is not the biryani itself, but the person to whom it is being offered. The message is clear. We as a society no longer want biryani to be given to the undeserving.
This makes biryani one more thing that we need to be careful about. We have to re-evaluate each one of our relationships, and ask ourselves, does this person deserve biryani or not? Guidelines for this have only now begun to emerge.
How and when should you offer biryani? An understanding of this is crucial. To those you respect, such as Gavaskar, and Angelina Jolie, you can offer biryani any time. You must also serve biryani at all weddings hosted by you; otherwise your guests will be highly offended. Even Ajmal Kasab got biryani, they will mutter, but apparently we’re not good enough. You should avoid such a situation at all costs.
Biryani can also be used to celebrate specific achievements of an individual. For example, you may feel that it was an achievement on the part of Aamir Khan to appear naked in every newspaper in the country, without being obscene or offensive in any way. This is not an easy thing to do. Show him your appreciation. Send him biryani. You don’t have to go yourself. Most shops deliver.
In this way, over time, through a process of trial and error, you will understand what to do with biryani. But keep an eye out for changing trends. These things evolve quickly. Today it’s biryani, tomorrow it could be shami kababs.
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